


I Never Told You

by pitch_playbook



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/F, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-05
Updated: 2014-01-05
Packaged: 2018-01-07 14:36:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1121014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pitch_playbook/pseuds/pitch_playbook
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mulan walked away that day, breaking two hearts. She never told Aurora how she felt and as she wanders the land with Robin Hood and his merry men she never stops wondering if the other woman feels the same.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Never Told You

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: I got some really lovely feedback for my first Sleeping Warrior story so I decided to write another. I do hope you’ll enjoy this, and being new to writing for this fandom of course your feedback is greatly appreciated (here or Tumblr (shesamarshmallow)). As long as the ideas keep coming I will keep writing for this pairing. I just love all of the possibilities for their story and can’t wait to see how things develop. So thank you in advance for reading, and enjoy. ☺

The nights are colder than she remembered. Maybe they just seemed warmer with her there. Perhaps her breath and the beating of her heart keeping the cold at bay as they slept. Out here with Robin Hood and his men though, the bitter cold whips at Mulan’s face as she tries to fall into a dream. It’s not as if she isn’t used to it, she is, it’s been months of enduring the elements, it just doesn’t get anymore pleasant. Mulan doesn’t complain though, she never has, complaining doesn’t help, and it doesn’t change anything. Complaining won’t make her warmer and it won’t ease her heartache. Nothing will. It’s been months since she walked away and she can still feel her heart breaking a little more each day.

Missing her is harder in practice than Mulan thought it would be when she walked away. It seemed easy. Do the right thing; leave her with her true love and her family. Sacrifice to let her be happy. Mulan is used to sacrifice, she knows what it means to sacrifice but that doesn’t make it any easier. 

Thinking about her decision and not thinking about it, both make it equally difficult to sleep. She tosses and turns for a while, listening intently to the rustling of leaves in the wind. At least the sounds are peaceful, even if they are competing with unbearably loud thoughts crowding her brain. If she listens closely she can hear animals and for a while she can pretend that’s all she needs to worry about; whether the squirrels are going to find a good spot to hide their nuts. At least that’s what she imagines they’re arguing about.

Eventually her eyes close, forced by the heaviness of their own lids. She can’t stay awake any longer and it’s not as if she wants to. All of the unfinished thoughts can replace her unfinished dreams once again in the morning. By now morning can only be a few hours away anyway. Robin likes an early rise, always. It’s more effective and efficient he always explains to the group. 

“We’ll cover more ground today than we did yesterday, we’re up an hour earlier,” Robin says predictably, a bright smile across his bearded face. 

There’s something about progress that always pleases Robin. He’s the kind of man who likes to get things done. He likes to get to his destination and get the job done. He reminds Mulan so much of Phillip. She hates that most of the time. He is, or maybe was one of her closest friends but the thought of him never fails to make her smile fall. While Robin continues to smile as he blathers on happily about the day’s journey, Mulan’s face contorts in sadness. Now she can’t stop thinking of Phillip. The time they spent walking through these same lands, in search of Aurora for days, weeks, and months. Memories of her seemingly endless search with Phillip flood her already distracted mind. And at the end of that journey was Aurora. 

Everything always comes back to Aurora. Mulan wonders how she is feeling today. She’s not exactly sure how far along she was when she left. It couldn’t have been too long. She estimates that Aurora is close to her due date after almost seven months away. For all she knows Aurora could already be a mother. She could be waking up to the sound of her newborn’s cries as the sun rises. Mulan has no way of knowing and she’s not sure she wants to know. She left so Aurora could be happy, but more often than not Mulan isn’t sure she wants to know that Aurora is happy without her. 

Not telling Aurora that she loves her is a both a blessing and a curse. She never had to hear Aurora reject her. On the other hand though, she’ll never know if she might have said it back. It’s the biggest unknown in her life. She doesn’t know her future; she doesn’t know where she’s going or what she’s doing. None of that seems important though. Not when compared to the unknown that is Aurora’s feelings.

True love’s kiss, Mulan hates that phrase but it floats into her mind as she forces down some breakfast. It is true love’s kiss that woke Aurora, which saved Phillip; it is everything to everyone. It is true love’s kiss that tells Mulan that Aurora couldn’t possibly love her back. It is this magic, a dark cloud looming over her heart that says, she doesn’t love you too; she can’t. She can’t imagine why of all the cruel things to happen in life she had to fall in love with someone who already has their true love. What had she done to deserve such a fate? Nothing she could think of, but life is funny that way, never giving you all the answers you seek.

“Is something wrong Mulan?” 

Robin’s question startles her, she turns staring away from his eyes. It is his kind eyes that remind her so much of Phillip, and in turn Aurora. 

He laughs before rephrasing the question, “I should say are you actually going to tell me what’s wrong today. I know something is wrong.” 

Mulan is silent. Robin Hood is kind and she has at least tried to enjoy their adventures. She wants to talk to him, to anyone really and spill her feelings. Talking about it feels too much like complaining though. She doesn’t want to burden him with her pain. He has much more important things to worry about; Roland, his men. He doesn’t need to bother with the story of a girl, a woman who is missing her love. 

“It’s noth…” but she is stopped before she can finish.

“It’s not nothing. No one looks that sad for no reason Mulan. Trust me, I’ve felt my fair share of sadness.”

Mulan sighed audibly, remembering him telling Neal of the loss of his wife. Robin knows what it feels like to be without his love. At least he knew when he lost her though that she loved him back. Maybe that is what bothers Mulan the most about her predicament. Maybe she could live without Aurora if she at least knew Aurora felt the same. She could live every day without that smile, those Auburn locks and those kind eyes if only she knew that they loved her. It would be hard; but nothing could be harder that not knowing.

“Robin, I’m sorry…it’s just…” Mulan trailed off this time before she could be interrupted.

“No need to be sorry dear, but it might help if you talked about it. Just tell me about them, the one you’re missing.” Robin smiled a knowing smile at Mulan.

Silence once more fell over the pair, how could he know. Maybe he just knows the look of someone missing his or her love. It is the look people see when they look at him.

“Remember Mulan, you told me before you joined us that you were going to tell someone how you felt about them. You think I don’t know you wouldn’t be here if they had said they loved you too.” 

“I never told her,” Mulan’s voice was quiet, barely above a whisper. “I never told her and it doesn’t matter. She already has her true love.”

Robin stares at her momentarily, a sad look unmistakable in his eyes. “You think we only have one true love?”

Mulan doesn’t know what to say, she’s not even sure why he’s asking her this. Before she can ponder further he goes on.

“If that’s true then I will never love again. I will never have another chance to experience the most wonderful feeling in the world. I will never have anyone. For both of our sakes I certainly hope that you’re wrong. I see no reason why we can’t truly love more than one person. Love is powerful Mulan.”

Robin walked away suddenly after he finished his speech. She hoped she hadn’t offended him. She didn’t meant to. She just didn’t have an answer. Everything Mulan had ever known had lead her to believe that true love is singular. Everyone has one true love. She just figured that her true love wouldn’t necessarily love her back. Some people are destined for unrequited love she thought. Not every person fits into a perfect pair, that’s just reality. 

Robin’s idea of love was more appealing though, if it is true that one can have more than one true love than Aurora could love her back. It is wishful thinking, silly even but hope might be the only thing that would get her through the rest of her nights. Even if she could just hope that Aurora loves her too, it’s better than thinking she never could.

It is weeks later when Mulan and the merry men find themselves in familiar territory. Her talk with Robin has made it easier to sleep at night. It’s been easier to miss Aurora knowing that the next time they meet rejection may not be definite. It’s still too likely for Mulan, but perhaps not definite. Even so she isn’t ready to see the princess again. Being this close to her castle and not going to see her feels wrong, but safer. The woman has a newborn child and likely a husband. Phillip would have surely asked for Aurora’s hand in marriage as soon as he heard the news of her pregnancy. Even if Aurora might be able to return her feelings, now isn’t the time. When, she isn’t sure but not now. 

She made a sacrifice for Aurora when she left, she can’t turn around and undo that. She can’t risk hurting Aurora just to satisfy her own curiosity. Even if Aurora could return her feelings, even if she might love Mulan, it’s not worth making her choose. Mulan loves Aurora enough not to make her choose. Asking her to leave her husband even if she does truly love them both is not something Mulan is willing to do. That’s not true love.

“She lives around here right?” Robin phrases it as a question, but it’s more of a knowing suggestion.

“I’m not going to see her.”

“She probably misses you.”

“Even so, she has a life, without me. I won’t get in the way of that, it’s not my place.”

“So you won’t give her a choice Mulan?”

“No, I won’t force her to choose.”

The way Robin laughs at this is not his usual way. It’s a pitiful laugh if anything. Mulan doesn’t know what his angle is, but he won’t convince her to change her mind.

“Telling her you love her won’t force her to do anything. The only thing you’re forcing her to do is live without you. What if she does love you? You’re forcing the same depressing fate on her as you have forced upon yourself.”

There is obvious anger in Robin’s voice that Mulan has never heard before. She’s not sure where it’s come from and she hates the truth that pours from his mouth. If Aurora does love her than Mulan has left her and she’s hurting as much if not more than herself. She considers for the first time that not telling Aurora may have been selfish. She thought she was being honorable, sacrificing only her own happiness. Robin’s words sting, but even so she won’t go back to that castle. It’s too late. If Aurora has two true loves, at least she has one of them with her. That has to be enough.

They pass through the area nearest to the castle in a few days. Robin never brings it up again. Mulan can feel tension between them when they’re together, but he never explicitly mentions it again. She has a feeling that no matter how he feels, he still respects her boundaries and decisions.

The weather is finally warmer when things change for Mulan again. The pain in her chest is unbearable, and this time it’s not her heart. Why had she taken her armor off, let her guard down? It was only for a few moments but it was long enough for their camp to be attacked. They came out of nowhere. The men fought valiantly but there were too many enemies. They were surrounded with no direction to run and not a strong enough defense. Most survived but their group was not without casualties. 

Mulan could never regret protecting Robin’s son Roland as his father defended their camp. Her wound wasn’t getting any better though and while she knew nothing of medicine she was sure it must be infected. The days passed and instead of healing Mulan became more and more ill. While she tried to hide her injury from the men at first, she couldn’t hide it from Robin. Roland had told him everything and he was now both grateful and incredibly worried. They travelled in search of someone who could help her, but the travelling only seemed to take a further toll on Mulan’s health.

Now they were stopped, a new camp setup. Robin’s new plan was to find someone who could save her and bring them to the camp. She couldn’t go on, but she needed help. They had long since run out of clean dressings and anything to numb the pain. She was fading faster than any of the remaining merry men could bare, especially Robin. 

“You can’t leave us brave warrior. You belong here, remember that.” 

Robin’s words were pained. Mulan had never seen him cry, but she was sure there were tears in the corners of his eyes.

She was too weak to tell him that she wouldn’t dream of leaving them. Too weak to smile even but Robin knew she would. 

Unbeknownst to Robin, in their quest to find help for Mulan they had travelled back into the vicinity of the castle once more. It was dark when Robin finally saw it on his way back to camp for the night. If whoever lived there couldn’t help Mulan they could certainly find someone who would. It seemed easiest to bring her there, even in her weakened state. Showing up at their castle and trying to explain would be too much, they needed to get Mulan to that castle and soon.

Robin needed not to even see Mulan when he returned to know what had happened while he was away. It was Roland’s face that gave it away. Tears streaming down his young son’s face and Robin couldn’t hold it in. This time the tears Mulan had seen in his eyes flowed like a waterfall. 

“She couldn’t stop coughing…” Roland choked out between sobs, “and there was blood. We couldn’t...sniff…we couldn’t save her dad.” 

“I know son.”

Robin wrapped his arms around the young boy, offering him the comfort he so desperately needed in this moment. The man hadn’t felt this much pain since losing his own wife. To see Mulan’s lifeless body laying in the bed the men had crafted for her was too much. Robin knew in this moment what he had to do. He owed it to Mulan to find her love and tell her that she is gone. No matter how painful or awkward, it was Robin’s duty. 

Walking up the castle steps felt strange. To walk into the home of strangers to tell them they have lost a friend is not easy. He had done it before, he had told the wives of his fallen men, but this felt different. There was so much riding on this, like he owed it to Mulan’s memory to get this right.

“Princess,” he greeted, bowing as she opened the door to the castle. 

“Hello?” Aurora answered, a question hanging in the air.

“Who is at the door Aurora?” Phillip asked, joining her in the entryway, arm on the woman’s shoulder.

Robin could hear a baby cry in the distance and began to understand why Mulan had left the princess without revealing her heart’s desire.

“I’m sorry, I need to go get her. I’ll be back in a moment,” Aurora apologized to the stranger. 

Phillip stood in the doorway staring at Robin. 

“My apologies, I should introduce myself. It’s Robin Hood,” he explained, extending his hand. This pleasantry seemed like the least he could offer. 

“Prince Phillip,” Phillip advised. “Were you looking to speak to my wife or I?” 

“The both of you I suppose,” Robin said, his tone turning somber as he remembered the reason for his visit. 

Phillip invited Robin in, not sure himself why he was doing it. One does not often invite a stranger into their home without finding out the reason for their visit. Robin Phillip supposed could be trusted. He had heard of him, and it he recalled correctly it was he who Mulan had left to join. 

When Aurora returned to the two men she wore a smile as bright as the sun. Aurora obviously hadn’t recognized him as Robin Hood. Robin was sure if she had she would have asked him about Mulan, at least that’s what he assumed from how Mulan had described her. Kind, caring and thoughtful, she would want to know how her friend was doing. 

“This is Robin Hood,” Phillip informed his wife.

“Is Mulan okay?” Aurora blurted out, face falling immediately at the mention of his name.

There it was, the concern that Robin had expected of this unexpected visit.

He couldn’t bring himself to say it, his eyes again filling with tears, as he looked deep into the princesses’ eyes. He could see how Mulan could have fallen for those eyes.

“Please tell us,” Phillip pleaded, himself recognizing the fear in Aurora’s eyes.

Robin took a deep breath. “She risked everything to save my son’s life and she lost her own.”

There was silence but for the sobs that Aurora couldn’t contain. 

After a few moments it was Phillip who spoke first. “Honorable, she always was.”

Robin nodded, unsure if he should move in to comfort Aurora when her husband didn’t. 

“Is she near here?” Aurora managed to choke out. “Can I see her?”

Robin again nodded. He waited in the entryway as Aurora went to retrieve her young child and prepare for the journey. They weren’t too far off from their camp where Mulan’s body lay, but as both of them wanted to go they had to bring their daughter. It was an hour later when they were finally ready to leave. Robin lead the way silently. 

Aurora was unable to contain her emotions for any extended period. She wouldn’t speak; mostly she just cried silent tears. Phillip carried their child when it became too much for Aurora.

“We’re almost there,” Robin Hood spoke up as night fell. It was more a warning than anything. 

They wanted to see Mulan, but he was afraid she didn’t look like the woman, the friend they remembered. Her last days were rough and Mulan’s body had been through so much. 

He realized when they reached camp that the men had surrounded her body with flowers. The tears once again returned to his eyes when they fell upon her once again. He wasn’t alone though; there wasn’t a dry eye in the camp. Roland in particular was still inconsolable. He sat away from the rest of the group, sobbing. He was young but he knew that Mulan had paid the ultimate price for him. He could never forget that moment; the sigh of relief when he was out of harm’s way and the wail of pain from Mulan when she took the blow instead.

Aurora kneeled next to Mulan’s lifeless body, her silent tears again turning into pained sobs. The first time the princess had seen Mulan in almost a year and it had to be like this. Phillip knelt next to wife, placing his arms on her shoulders. 

Robin observed the sight. He took notice of the fact that Aurora didn’t fall into her husband. She didn’t take comfort in his presence. Her entire focus was on Mulan. It was as if no one else was even there. He was sure it was love he saw, behind all the tears in those eyes; there was love. 

It must have been an hour, just standing there, watching Aurora before anyone spoke up. 

“She loved you, you know,” Phillip said, the hurt was palpable in his voice.

When Aurora realized it was her that Phillip was talking to she turned to face him, her tear stained face both confused and if Robin wasn’t mistaken, angry. 

“What?” she questioned. 

“Mulan, she loved you. I could see it in her eyes as soon as the two of you found me. As soon as I was saved I could see that things had changed between the two of you. She fell in love with you, somewhere along your journey. That’s why she left. She couldn’t bare the thought of rejection, and she wouldn’t have wanted to come between us. She loved you, but she was honorable.”

Aurora didn’t speak at first, stunned by Phillip’s words. 

“You knew and you never told me?” 

“I…I…” Phillip stumbled.

“I was miserable when she left. I thought she just didn’t care, I thought she wanted to leave.” 

Aurora didn’t think she had a right to be angry with Phillip, but she couldn’t help it.

“I guess I didn’t have enough faith in true love to think you’d pick me. I saw the way you looked at her too.”

Had it been that obvious Aurora wondered. Had everyone but Mulan known that she loved the other woman with all her heart. She had wondered for a long time if it was possible to have more than one true love. When Mulan left and she could feel her own heart break, she knew it was. Phillip was her first true love, but that never stopped her from finding another. She loved them both, but never had the courage to tell either. 

Aurora turned to Phillip now, sadness in her eyes now not just because of Mulan but for her husband.

“I’m sorry you felt that way. You’re right though. I loved her, love her; I haven’t stopped. I don’t know the exact moment it happened, I just know that it did. It could have been any one of the times she looked at me. I could get lost in those eyes. It could have been any of the times she protected me, or helped me. It could have been any of the moments I spent with her because they were all equally wonderful. I didn’t mean to fall for her but I did, and now she’s gone and I never got the chance to tell her.”

“She knew,” Robin spoke up again. “She could never get up the courage to tell you, and she never wanted to risk hurting you but I think deep down she knew you felt the same.”

Robin wasn’t sure if he was telling Aurora a sad truth or comforting lie, but either way it made the woman smile for the first time since he first met her.

At these words Aurora knelt back down next to Mulan’s body. She whispered gently in her ear before placing a final kiss on her forehead. 

Phillip felt a pang in his chest as he watched his wife say goodbye to Mulan. All this time he could at least pretend what he knew wasn’t true. He could pretend that Aurora didn’t have another love and he could pretend that there wasn’t someone out there who loved her as much as he did. He could pretend that he was the only one who would ever have Aurora’s heart. 

Phillip could tell himself comforting lies every day until he heard Aurora whisper; “I love you too,” in Mulan’s ear. He wasn’t sure if he’d lose her, but he was sure that things would never be the same. Mulan may be gone, but her love for Aurora and Aurora’s love for her would never die. True love never leaves us.


End file.
